What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 13:20
We were not on the streets..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She found it foreign!.
Do humans know everything they need to know?
She was in good health!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
What are the 10 things you regret doing in your life?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I have no regrets .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
How come Jesus died on Friday and rose on Sunday? That's not 3 days and three nights.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Have you ever witnessed political correctness harm someone?
I think the readers, may guess!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Who are some of the best Korean Actresses?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why am I dreaming of people I've never seen before?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What baseball stories from the early days of the sport seem too bizarre to be true?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My family never makes their pension either.
So, i spoilt her more .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Has anyone ever had sex with their cousin? How did it start, and would you do it again?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
What is the reason for writing X^2 as XX instead of X*X?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Are there any more 'nun' jokes?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My life is so biszare .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
What is the most peculiar thing about the human brain?
All the time i was locked up.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Can you share any "backstage pass" experiences you have had at concerts?
She loved him until the end.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
This is soul school!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im still living with it.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was scared of men, in general
She wouldn,t have been !
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He knew the spot.
I write beautiful poetry .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Ive learnt so much.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Put me off passion for life!!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We all went to grammer schools
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I couldn’t, believe it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
It was going to be , some day.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was very sick at this time too.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Who then, do I blame.?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Would this be the day?
I don,t even have a pension.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But it wasn’t much.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was 9 years of age.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But, we were locked up after school.
I waited trembling.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And i lived it daily.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One cannot live in the past .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But ive been too sick for many years..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I could never make a relationship work though!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I said to her
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
What did i know ?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I will be 64.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So whats the point in blame.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As i do to all so called friends.?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She married twice! .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
When she asked me how she looked .
Comes on , in middle age.